I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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