wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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