I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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