forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
