Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
