Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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