Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
