yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How does it feel to date your dad?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
