I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
