That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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