So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
