im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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