Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
