i barfeds in our rink
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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