If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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