everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
