My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
