and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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