What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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