how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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