im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
