He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
