I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
