I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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