We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
