He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
