I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
