absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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