I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
