Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
