Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
