Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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