There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
