got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
