he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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