I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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