I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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