You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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