dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
