I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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