Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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