I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
