we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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