chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
