just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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