Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
