My Higher Power is John Stamos
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
