If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
