She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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