I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
