How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
