man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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