Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
