new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
