This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
