I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
