I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
