I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will be naked everywhere
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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