I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
