I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
