I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
